Our lives were forever changed the day we lost Corey. He was an amazing man who loved the Lord and his family with all that he was. The pain of losing him is like no other. Our only comfort comes from knowing we will see him again someday.

I have moved the slideshow played at Corey's service to it's own post page above, titled "Corey's Memorial Service - August 10, 2010"

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Monday, February 14, 2011

Another wave on my ocean of grief

Before today turns to tomorrow I just want to wish all my dear friends and family a Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it was a sweet one for you all.
     Today, not surprisingly, was a tough day for me. People say that the sadness of grief comes in waves. Sometimes the water is calm but watch out because you never know when a swell of emotions might come upon you. This past week leading up to today was difficult and exhausting. There were several instances that just accentuated the reality of Corey's absence from my life and it made me miss him all the more. All in all the last several days contributed to today being just plain hard. 
     Corey and I never went over the top on Valentine's Day. It usually gave us a good reason to go out on a date which didn't happen all too often (since having kids). Cards, chocolates, flowers and such usually made an appearance. I was deliberate about focusing my attention this year on Abigail and Allison and that helped. I gave them their valentine goodies this morning before seeing them off to school. I had a counseling appointment shortly after which was good timing given the day and how emotional I was and have been the last few days. I decided kind of last minute that I would take a drive to the cemetery on my way home. It was plowed which was fabulous because I did not have my snow shoes with me :) I had driven the Kia which does horribly in the snow so I was a bit worried that I would get stuck driving in even though the road was plowed but thankfully I managed just fine. The decoration the girls and I had placed a week or so earlier had some snow over it so I cleaned things off, sat in the car for a bit and then headed home. Sometimes I don't know exactly what I'm supposed to do when I go to visit the cemetery. I know some people talk to their dead loved ones. Talking to Corey just feels kind of weird to me. I guess I feel like talking with God is more productive. People have also told me that they can sense their loved ones with them at times. I really haven't experienced this. I think there are just too many questions in my head about whether Corey can see or hear me from heaven. And I'm just really not sure his spirit can be up there and down here too. I suppose those are questions I won't get an answer to until I'm there with him. So for now I just keep clinging to God and try to do what I can to keep my memories of Corey alive for the girls and I.  
     Tonight the memory of the first roses Corey bought me came to mind. I was 16 and in my junior year of high school (1993) and Corey was a senior. He was working at the Windjammer restaurant at the time. Apparently he wasn't going to get a chance to make it to the florist shop before they closed since he was working until later that evening. He told me later that he had sent a coworker out to buy a half dozen roses for me. He drove over to my house after he got out of work to deliver them. I guess by that hour of the night I probably figured that he hadn't thought to do anything for me. I think I had sent him a card or something. So when he showed up unexpected at my front door well into the evening I was thrilled! He was the first (and only) guy to ever bring me flowers ;) I had the perfect vase to put them in too...one he had made sometime that year in his ceramics/pottery class at school. I still have it. At his memorial service I had it placed next to his casket with a half dozen dark pink roses in it just like the ones he bought me on that Valentine's Day back in '93.  I actually took a picture of those flowers that he had gotten me. It's not posted here because I took it with a film camera (not digital) and I haven't had a chance tonight to locate it and scan it into my computer...It's a little hard to see the piece of pottery Corey made in the picture below but the roses stand out in vivid color.   
      This picture of Abigail was taken during the service. She had been sitting with me in the front row just to the left of Corey's casket. We were singing at the moment and she walked up to the casket and started playing with the 3 roses that were laid on the top (a red rose from me and 2 pink ones from the girls). Tris, the photographer, did a great job capturing the moment and played around with editing the colors to give it a cool effect.
     So to wrap up, the best parts of my day today included getting a pedicure with my friend Sarah and then making myself chocolate covered strawberries as a bedtime snack :)  And now I'm off to bed...I hope Corey meets me in my dreams tonight :)

PS - And since it's Valentine's day...I had to include a sappy love song ;)  Enjoy!

1 comment:

  1. I saw the road at Corey's spot was plowed today...and even from the road, you can clearly see where his stone is cause it's the only place that is dug out from all this snow :o)
    Thinking of you always...
    love, me